So after reading our article „Indicators of Infidelity“ you have determined that there are more than enough indicators to suspect that your spouse may be having an affair. Maybe they are hiding their cell phone and not allowing you to read emails or text messages. Perhaps they are constantly staying late after work more often than they use to, or coming home with a sweet smell of perfume or cologne on their clothing. Maybe the intimacy in your relationship has slacked off and your spouse is no longer appearing attracted to you. Whatever the many indicators you have received, now you want to prove it.
This is a very touchy area so proceed forward with caution. You may come right out and try to confront the cheater with your suspicions, which could end up in a full-blown argument that could possibly turn violent. What happens if there is actually a once in a lifetime explanation to your suspicions? Now you are back in an argument over trust related issues. It may be a better idea to make sure you have actual proof of a cheating spouse before you confront him/her, or before you make the decision to separate. Your situation can be more difficult when trying to divide up property, money, custody rights, alimony, etc, without proof of a cheating spouse. Additionally, if you are going to try and bring forth a lawsuit for Alienation of Affection or Criminal Conversation, proof of an affair, especially before separation, is imperative that you obtain the proper proof of an affair.
There are a few things you can do that will make your case stronger when bringing evidence before the court to prove that your spouse is unfaithful. Make sure you keep all documentation of all potential evidence you discover and write it down, including date and time of discovery. In law enforcement, one of the most important parts of our job was our report writing. We were trained over and over again, „if you don’t right it down, it didn’t happen.“ Obviously this is a figure of speech, but if you are going to present some evidence but cannot provide specifics, it may bear no merit when presented in court. Additionally, if you record some details, but later present other details you remember but you failed to document, this could come back and hurt your claim as well. Here are a few steps and tips you can use to help gather documentation of a cheating spouse:
Keep a Journal: Obviously for the reasons mentioned above. Even if you don’t have any solid proof your spouse was cheating, documenting suspicious behaviors over an extended period of time can help your claim. For instance, you may document the following journal entry:
January 24, 2015 7:00PM
John arrived home from work 2 hours late. John typically arrives home promptly at 5:00PM from work. John has been staying late at the office on many occasions over the last two weeks. Additionally I noticed what appeared to be a faint odor of perfume on his shirt and a tan colored substance on his collar that appeared to be make-up.
Do the Laundry: Whether you are accustomed to doing the laundry around the house or not, begin paying closer attention to your spouse’s clothing as you are placing them in the washer. Look for any clues such as make up, cologne or perfume, „foreign substances,“ or even articles of clothing that you have not seen before that may have been gifts from the cheater’s girlfriend or boyfriend. Again be sure to document anything unusual. (Tip: „a photo is worth a thousand words“)
Track their mileage: If you are able to be stealthy enough, start recording the mileage in their car. When (S)he comes home, write down the mileage on their car, if they have to „run out“ at any time be sure to write down the ending mileage and casually ask where they had to go. If your spouse tells you they had to run into the office late at night, or had to run to the mall, and you calculated that their office or the mall is 8 miles away, but they drove 32 miles, they have 16 miles to explain for. (8 miles away plus 8 miles back equals 16 miles total). Write it down!
Check the Phone Bill: If you are a joint user on your cell phone account, and you have an online account, you can log in and look at all the incoming and outgoing telephone numbers. You can make note in your journal of any unusual numbers, dates and times of calls, and even try and use the free online white pages search to find out where the number comes back to.
Look at the Bank Account: For the same reason as above, if you are a joint account holder, take a look at the expenditures and where they are being spent. Are there dinners that are being bought for more than one person that you did not attend? Are there purchases at clothing stores, gift stores, for the opposite sex and you did not receive the gift? Write it Down!
Computer History: Lets face it, not all cheaters are the smartest. Look at your computer’s search history, you may find hotel room booking sites, social media account visits of the opposite sex, flower delivery order sites, and more.
Check the Trash: I know this is not the most glamorous of search methods, but in my experience, you can learn more about a person from going through their trash than you can by searching their social media account. People throw things in the trash without thinking and automatically think that once it hits the can, it is gone forever. If you don’t have access to bank or cell phone records, you may get lucky and find a bank statement, or cell phone statement. You may also find receipts for gifts and dinners, love notes, cards, used „family planning/prevention“ equipment, and much more. Be sure to glove up, take photo’s, and write it down!
Surveillance: This is going to be tougher than it sounds. For obvious reasons, you probably have a job and or kids that does not allow you to follow and conduct surveillance on your spouse to see where they are going and whom they are with. Not only do you not have time, but it is going to be awfully easy for your spouse to spot you in a crowd or on the road as (S)he will be familiar with your vehicle, voice, and walk. (S)he will already be cautious and on the look out for anyone that they may know seeing them out in public with another man or woman so you may want to leave this to the professionals.
Hidden Cameras: There are a few good companies online that provide high quality hidden cameras that you can put throughout your house if you wish to catch your spouse in the act. These cameras typically are not cheap so beware, especially if you only plan to use them once, it may be beneficial to hire a professional.
Hire a Private Investigator: By far one of the best ways to prove a cheating spouse is to hire our private investigators. By hiring our professional private investigators, you can be sure to get documented, unaltered, unbiased facts to present to your attorney or a judge. A private investigators report can oftentimes bear more weight as evidence as it is not seen as being written or motivated out of personal gain. Obviously you will have to pay the investigator but your payment is for factual information that is not motivated by the results of civil or criminal judgment. Additionally, our professional investigators have access to many advanced resources and databases as well as technology that can help you prove your case faster and with more accuracy. Our investigators can provide GPS tracking and document your spouses whereabouts 24 hours a day. We can also generate a historical playback of your spouses travel to include the date, time, and address of where (S)he has been. We have high quality digital cameras as well as covert cameras so we are well prepared in any environment (S)he may enter (nightclub, bar, restaurant, hotel, etc.). Our investigators are skilled at locating people, which can benefit you when you need to have a process served during your court procedures. Hiring a private investigator can save you a lot of time and headache when preparing for a separation and or divorce.